Daughter of Exile

I have been running for so long
I have forgotten what it is
that is chasing me.
But I dare not stop!

Yes like the others
I will carry on running,
they say, if you stop,
you seize to be,
it catches you,
sinks its claws into you
and rips you apart,
there is no turning back,
so like the others I carry on running!

I am not afraid, never was to begin with,
curious yes, but not afraid because,
Pain I have seen and heard
but I have never felt,
never felt the sting,
never has the venom flowed deep within my veins,
paralyzing my soul,
never have I felt its blade
slice through my limbs or
gunshots tear through my flesh,
never have I felt hunger pangs rip through my insides.
Never been whipped till my black turned blue,
never been kicked and punched till my bones went snap!

I was lucky, I was shielded from the sadists
who craved my blood, they say my armor
is still shiny and new,
theirs have dents,
they have history,
they have life,
and they have character.
but I feel my case is worse off than theirs,
worse off than those that felt the pain!
I have scars, deep rooted scars.
Dedan Kimathi’s cuffs dangle from my wrists,
Nyayo house whips tattooed on my back, generations
of tears burned into my skin! I have scars!
All they see is my shiny unscathed self
and a tongue too heavy to carry its mother tongue.
Words spoken like a drunken whore slurry
and unsure like a baby antelope.
How can my people say they protected me
when my mouth does not speak and my hears
do not hear what my ancestors say!
Gibberish! Gibberish all I speak is English.
Tell me, who is free?
Is it I the born free or
them that know who it is
and what it is we never stop running from,
never stop hiding from,
never stop fighting!!!

Is knowledge freedom or is freedom knowledge,
I have neither so what does that make me?
A rootless tree, without freedom of mind how can I be free,
without freedom of tongue how can I be free???
Look at me! Do I look free to you?
I am a prisoner of the worst kind,
a daughter of exile.

A child born in prison on foreign land.
Chained and shackled by my own.
A child judged before I existed,
rejected by my government,
rejected by my people.
I fear everything,
I am afraid not of what I run from but of the one I run with,
I am not afraid coz I am not free, I am afraid coz I am not me!!
So when I arrive tell me, who will I be with if I am not with me!
I am the girl from nowhere who shall return from where she came!